The Bridesmaid Who Ruined Everything.
The previous blog post on an open letter to wedding guests was quite well received so it got me thinking about sharing more of what I know. Today’s topic will be on bridesmaids.
I picked my bridesmaids carefully and boy, was I lucky to have friends who were up to the task of being a bridesmaid. Having said that, I had a few uncomfortable experiences that almost pushed me to the edge of severing the friendship. Of course I didn’t but I cannot deny that it was tempting to dive into a catfight back then, especially when I was going through so much stress. But my nails were already manicured so I thought it would be such a waste.
I am just joking! But I have learnt that it is important for bridesmaids to know how to behave and act like a bridesmaid. That’s why I am compelled to share a few boundaries that bridesmaid should never, ever, consider crossing over.
Shout out to all bridesmaids out there, here are 5 rules that you should try your best to follow. Or else you will be labeled as The Bridesmaid Who Ruined Everything.
Thou Shall Not Usurp The Bride’s Limelight
The truth is that every lady is vain and they want to look beautiful wherever they are. But bridesmaids need to understand that it is wholly the bride’s right to look beautiful. Any bridesmaid should be the first person to understand that concept!
If your bride has picked the bridesmaid dress and you feel that it doesn’t look that great, it is alright to comment on the choice of bridesmaid dress but don’t fuss too much about it. She probably has a lot on her plate and your bridesmaid should be the last of her worries.
What if she gives you the freedom to choose your own bridesmaid dress? It is ideal to select something that suits the concept of the wedding while not overshadowing bride’s wedding gown. For example, how would you feel if you were the bride and your bridesmaid was adorning a dress that resembled a wedding gown? Let me paint a picture of you.
Imagine walking past by a wedding that is taking place. You caught a glimpse of the bride. She was wearing a cream dress with a poufy skirt and there were very simple embellishments on the bodice. You might even go ‘hey that is a wedding gown that I can consider for my wedding’. That was when the bride came into view with her groom.
I don’t know about the bride but what I feel (and I am sure 100% of the brides would agree) is that the bridesmaid should never look equally or more beautiful than the bride. If the bridesmaid looks like a bride, the line has already been crossed.
Thou Shall Be Supportive & Only Provide Constructive Feedback
It is only normal for brides to have a few requests for her wedding and it may not be something that you as a bridesmaid would want to do. But here’s the catch: it isn’t your wedding and you should never impose any ideas onto the bride. You can provide suggestions but at the end of the day, the bride should always make the last decision.
For example, if the bride insists on wearing a certain design and you feel that it doesn’t complement her, you can convey the message to her but in a nice manner. Should she decide to go with that particular wedding gown, then just be a supportive gal pal and be glad that she has finally found something that makes her feel confident!
The bottom line is, brides don’t need to know that their ideas suck or fall short of any expectations. What matters is that she is happy and comfortable with the wedding, and all you have to do is to fulfil that and not put her down at her most vulnerable moments under the immense stress!
Thou Shall Not Talk Behind the Bride’s Back
Sometimes the bride’s tantrums may get on your nerves and as a bridesmaid, you cannot really escape from it.
Having said that, you should try your best to not talk behind her or have a massive ranting session with another bridesmaid! You can share a little of your grouses with other bridesmaids or friends but you have to understand that the bride is going through tremendous pressure from the wedding. At the same time, you will be running the risk of ruining the friendship, especially when the bride finds out about your b**ching.
If you want to thrash things out, talk to the bride in private and share how her behaviour is affecting you. That way, she will understand from your point of view and try her best to not step on your toes. This will definitely help strengthen the friendship between the both of you. At the same time, the planning of the wedding will be a lot more enjoyable as the both of you have a better understanding about each other’s mindsets.
Thou Shall Promise To Commit To Pre-Wedding Events
If you have promised to be the bridesmaid, it means that you have promised to be at all the pre wedding events that are in conjuncture with the wedding planning. Being a bridesmaid is not just about choosing the bridesmaid dress, looking pretty next to the much more beautiful bride and things like that. There’s more to that.
Don’t get me wrong! Being a bridesmaid can be fun but it comes with commitment. As a bridesmaid, you have to go through the details of the wedding and how to work as a team to ensure that the wedding doesn’t fall apart. Planning the wedding is part of the job scope of a bridesmaid and you need to be aware of the latest updates and changes to the wedding. Otherwise, not only will you end up looking foolish, but you might ruin your bride’s wedding with the lack of understanding about the wedding.
And that’s irresponsible behaviour. So, if you find that you are unable to commit to the planning, then kindly inform your bride so and spare her from another headache!
Thou Shall Not Go Too Crazy With The Gatecrashing
Gatecrashing is defined as a tradition whereby the groom has to work his way to fetch his bride, along with his groomsmen. They have to complete difficult challenges and tasks. This ranges from wearing make up, eating extremely spicy food, dancing in public and many more. These tasks are usually designed by the bridesmaids.
Gatecrashing is a common tradition in weddings held in Singapore and it is exciting to witness grooms trying their best to see their brides! However, it is important to note that gatecrashing is not a game between Team Bride and Tean Groom. Don’t go too overboard with the games and leave the groom perspiring profusely under the sweltering heat. Just like the bride, he probably didn’t have enough sleep and it is extremely exhausting to keep up with the games.
Although it is important for bridesmaids to act like one, it is important for brides to understand that being a bridesmaid is not that easy either. Both parties have to act as a team and learn how to be appreciative of each other. That way, the wedding will turn out to be a beautiful and memorable one and there will, of course, be no catfights.