We hope that you have enjoyed our first post on how to stay happy as a couple, before the wedding, during wedding planning and after the wedding.
Thank you for all the support coming for contributions for this post, especially to you guys out there! Yes the second part is finally here, hope it helps to take the guess work out of the equation – the men speak up from their point of view!
Contributions from the men to women:
1) Give him space when it is time – this part was entirely contributed by the men
Yes this a cliché line, but here’s a realistic take on it.
It is no secret that men can’t multi task / multi focus. Sample scenario: when he is doing something: reading the papers, thinking about something, surfing or typing on the computer, we go and talk to him about something. After we finish, he turns over and says, “huh?’, or “what did you just say?” The blood boils and we spit it out angrily “Why are you not listening?” or “You mean you were not listening to what I was saying the whole time?”
Cut him some slack. After all, it is not women’s fault to be blessed with the ability to multi task 🙂
Just like we need our girls’ time, he needs his own time too. Don’t intrude into his “me” time. While it need not necessarily be with the other guys in a bunch, but hey, it’s kind of true that absence does make the heart fonder.
2) Always maintain the sense of suspense
Yes, the men mean it in the physically visual way. Even though you both live with each other after the marriage day in day out, maintain a sense of suspense, which will evoke a sense of curiosity still. Don’t leave it all out there just because you are getting too comfortable. You know what they mean *wink wink*
3) Do not bring up the past easily at your whim or fancy
Some men mind, some don’t. But women being the more emotional species, sometimes bringing the past up hurts us more than it hurts him.
4) Take a step back and you shall have your way
Many men are actually very willing to give in. During arguments, instead of just plain insisting on your stand without getting anywhere in a deadlock, consider just taking a step back, albeit a small one.
Looking tough on the outside, many of them are softies at heart when it comes to the women they love. Even if we are obviously in the wrong or may have a weak stand, many of them are willing to let go and move on and not tear us apart as long as we make the move to first take a little step in the right direction.
5) Support and understanding will be appreciated
Even when there are times where men are obviously wrong, please don’t righteously tear them apart with those words “I TOLD YOU SO”. It is annoying not only on its own, but also because there is no right way to reply without sounding defensive.
At this time of marriage, many men (and women) are also at the point in their careers that we are all doing our best to prove ourselves and to make our big break. Support each other and we shall work hand in hand in the journey towards success. Don’t we all want to proudly see our spouses do well?
From men to men:
1) When the women are complaining to you, cut the urge to give solutions
Yes you have heard it before. Many times when women are talking to men, they are not looking for solutions but more of a listening ear. (Note to men: If women are looking for solutions, they will ask you) Just encourage her to talk and listen to understand, and show empathy
2) Romance need not always be bought with money
Romance is not about buying the flashiest bag or dining at the most fancy restaurant. Don’t you just hate the 3-month rule on buying the proposal ring? Just think about it this way: what else would you give a woman who already has it all to make her feel loved?
It is usually the thought that women truly appreciate. Say a man buys his wife a Chanel bag that she has been eyeing for over a year but couldn’t bear to buy. Surely she is overjoyed at being able to own the bag. But more so, she is happy because he paid attention to what she really wants and likes, and does something out of the single intention to make his wife happy.
An example will be leaving a note unexpectedly in her wallet telling her that you love her. Checking in on her via text in the middle of the day to tell her that you miss her. Complimenting her on how beautiful she looks in the dress.
While unexpected moves usually brings across much delight, even if it is expected, women will still appreciate the gestures.
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Photography by La Belle Couture