Previously we did a post on auspicious dates in 2016 and it was very well received! This time, we decided to interview David Tong, famous Feng Shui Master, on how couples can choose the best wedding date to have a stable relationship. Read on to find out more and be surprised by how the Tong Shu may not be an accurate measure of what dates are considered auspicious!
- Can you define what Feng Shui is?
Feng Shui, in my own definition, is the art and science of harnessing energy into a property so as to bring luck to support the endeavours of the occupants.
- I heard that most couples rely on the Tong Shu to determine the most auspicious date. Is that accurate?
Yes, there are still a majority of the couples that reply on the Tong Shu to calculate the auspicious date. However, the dates from the Tong Shu are very generic and not accurate enough. The reason being that in the Tong Shu, only the animal zodiac are taken into consideration for the calculation of the dates. This is overly simplified because if a date is good for those born in Rabbit zodiac to get married, does it mean it is good for all the rabbits in the world as well? Think about it…
A more accurate approach will be using the couple’s Ba zi to determine the wedding date as that takes into consideration not just the animal zodiac, but a person’s year, month, day and hour of birth. It is more much precise as an auspicious date in the Tong Shu may not turn out so for a couple if their Ba zi is incompatible with the date.
- What do you use to calculate the Ba Zi (8 characters)?
A person’s Year, Month, Day and Hour of birth.
- I understand that everybody’s 8 characters are different from one another. How can they differ from each other?
Yes. Bazi is like the DNA of a person. It is a combination of Year, Month, Day and Hour of birth of a person that makes up the 4 Pilliars in a Bazi. It gets a bit technical here but every pillar there are 60 possibilities due to the Chinese sexagenary cycle, which is a cycle of sixty terms used for recording days or years. Hence imagine if we are to take the 60 possibilities of the Year Jiazi x 60 possibilities of the Month Jiazi x 60 possibilities of the Day Jiazi x 60 possibilities of the Hour Jiazi, we will have 12960000 possibilities in a Bazi and that is over 12 million possibilities!
- So if lets say I have a lot of fire, it may not mean that I am a hot tempered person right?
Yes you are correct. It is insufficient to say that you are hot tempered just by the fire elements alone. Fire in a chart can mean a lot of other things, not just character or temper. To see if a person is hot tempered or not will have to factored in other aspects of a Bazi chart. In other words, we have to look at the overall aspects of the chart, including character.
- Can you share with us a few examples of how the 8 characters are used to determine the compatibility between the bride and the groom?
One example will be the character of the couple. If bazi reveals that both the groom and the bride are very strong and self-opinionated character, then chances are both of them are unlikely to have a happy marriage. They will always have differences in opinions that lead to arguments as both sides cannot give in each other. Usually if one is strong character, it is better to find a spouse that is soft and easy going type. This is called Yin Yang balance.
Another example of compatibility analysis will be to determine if the Bazi of the couple clashes. If there is a clash, regardless of character, there will be arguments in marriage. In fact, for the majority, they already have arguments even before the marriage, sometimes even violence.
- After that, how do you determine the best wedding date?
A good wedding date must satisfy many criteria. In the most basic form, the date cannot clash to the couple’s or parents’ zodiac signs. The date must not also clash to the “spouse palace” in the couples’ Bazi.
Spouse palace refers to the marriage aspect of a Bazi, hence if the date clashes to it, it is a bad start to the whole marriage. The date of course will also have to match the elements favourable to the couple’s Bazi chart.
On top of all the above, the date selected must also have positive stars shining that day that will enhance the marriage aspect and hence deemed as suitable for marriage for that date.
This aspect used many of the classic date selection formulas such as 28 Constellations, Dong Gong Date Selection, 12 Day Officers etc. As you can see, selecting a good date is not as simple as picking one straight out of the Tong Shu. For me, the Tong Shu approach, which is overly simplified, can be done in less than one minute.
- What happens if they are unable to marry on the best wedding date? What would you recommend?
If the date can be derived, it means that they can get married on that day. If there are no dates in a particular year due to particular reasons such as the year clashes to the couples’s Bazi and so forth, then I will advise them to get married on a different year. If there is really no choice due to whatever reasons (such as requiring the marriage certificate for getting keys for BTO flat), I will suggest at least ROM first on an earlier date (in a better year) and banquet on that bad year.
ROM is the official date they become husband and wife, hence it is much more important than the banquet date.
- Can you state examples of how the 8 characters can turn a wedding date (in the tong shu) from auspicious to inauspicious?
In the Tong Shu, a date can be classified as an auspicious date that is good for wedding. However, if the Bazi of a couple shows that the couple both have strong fire chart (i.e, the fire element in the Bazi is very strong or a lot of fire), and that particular auspicious date in the Tong Shu also happens to be of element fire, then that day is considered inauspicious for the couple as there is too much fire and will bring bad luck to them.
- I heard that because of 8 characters, it is predicted that some people aren’t supposed to get married until 50! but that’s a bit difficult. What would you normally advise them to do?
Unfortunately yes. Bazi can tell us the best age or period to get married. For example, some people have too strong luck in romance. In Bazi technical terms, the star of romance falls into the wrong palace.
In such a scenario, it is best to get married late (ideally after 30 years old). If they get married young at around early twenties, they will usually divorce and have a second marriage after 30 years old. It will happen as you cannot escape destiny.
However, whether they listen or not is beyond my control. I have couples that get married young (despite me telling them to get married after 30 years old) emailed me few years later telling me they are divorced and now want to choose wedding date again for their 2nd marriage (of course by then, they are already after 30!).
Of course above is only one scenario. For some people, like what you asked in your question, can only get married very late (let’s say after 50) coz in their Bazi chart, there is a clash when they reach the 40 to 49 years old luck pillars.
A clash implies that in that period 40 to 49 years old, there are a lot of turbulence in their marriage, with a possibility of divorce. Hence theoretically, after 49 will be good as they can escape the destiny of divorce.
Of course in reality, no one can wait that long, which is why I mentioned that destiny is hard to escape. Hence they will still get married in their late twenties or early thirties, and when they hit 40-49 years old, the real test comes in.
If they do remember what I said and give in to each other, once they cross 49 years old, they will escape the fate of divorce and change destiny. If they can’t remember what I said or choose to continue to argue, it might eventually lead to a separation. To sum up, from the book of Yi Jing, “Fate can be changed, if its laws are known”.
- Have you seen couples who work out well despite not having compatible 8 characters?
Seldom, if ever! The facial expression can lie, but a destiny chart never fails to tell the truth behind it. A couple can hide their arguments and turbulences they are facing with a smiley face, but the destiny gives the truth away.
- I do see a lot of 8 characters calculators online! Are those even accurate?
Some yes and some are not. Unfortunately, unless you know how to check against a hard copy Ten Thousand Years calendar or know the formula to derive a Bazi, a layman will not be able to tell its accuracy.
- Do you need to be certified to do this?
- I understand that you are a feng shui master, but do you feel that couples should solely rely on feng shui to determine the outcome of their marriage?
Of course not. Bazi Destiny Analysis is used as a guide to life. As I mentioned previously, “Fate can be changed if its laws are known”. If you know your own destiny, you can change the outcome and destiny thru changing your course of actions. If you don’t know your destiny, then how do you change? You can’t, simple because there is no direction for you to do so.
Nature will only follow its course and what will happen, will happen. Bazi is a form of astrology. And to me, astrology is like holding a torch in a dark cave. It gives you light and helps you to navigate your path through the cave. Without the torch, there is no way you can navigate out of the cave.
Even if you do one fine day, you will doing it through the hard way and take more time and effort than you are if you are holding on to a torch.
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